Saturday, October 12, 2013

Title to Post, I'm Lost and Tired

So I've mulled over a few different topics to talk about: The Pirates again, the Duck again because let's be honest; it is AWESOME!, and I've also looked into something borderline profound. I don't know what counts as profound, and when I label these posts, I do so in the vacuum of the back end of the blog here.

Usually I am able to just write - whatever is on my mind, or I'll pick a song, title the post, and then write the post to fit the title. But honestly, I don't feel like that does anyone except for my view count good. I have to ask myself every now and again why I keep going on with whatever it is I am doing. Why announce? It's fun, and I love nothing more than representing my school in a way that puts it in a good light. Why act? For the heck of it. Why sing? Because I enjoy doing it, and because we don't have a choir per se at our church.

I ask myself why I write this blog week after week, and it seems that the reasoning is threefold: 1) to force myself to improve my writing (and I'd say that works, considering I started this in the seventh grade) 2) When I'm able to come up with something, I love writing and 3) I feel like it's my job to make sure this thing gets finished: I need to have something posted at least periodically here until 2015.

I came to the realization recently that I'm a junior. This is my second to last year of high school. Up until now, I moved forward with the safety in my head that there are grades above me, seniors were a distant group that you get sort of close to, and then they disappear.

But then my friends became seniors. It's a strange reality to come to; though you consciously know that life moves forward, I don't think I understood what it meant to move with it. I attended my first college visitation Friday, and I realized that for once this stuff is pertinent. The stuff that was just words about who is coming to visit and to talk about what suddenly becomes relevant.

I'm trying to figure out where I'm going with everything: why it is I am doing what I do, why I choose to surround myself with the people I do. Why on Earth we put up with the stuff that we do. How we associate with one another, and whether or not we are just trying to relive what we once lived.

I don't know. It's late, and I'm lost. As I told a gentleman who appeared at my house from the Church of Latter-Day Saints, I think in a broader sense, we are all lost a bit. We have to be, and eventually we may find ourselves, but we never stop looking, and never stop redefining who we are.

Go Giant Rubber Duck, Go Cougars,

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