This is a combination of two drafts; I realize the publish date is Halloween, but it has nothing to do with Halloween.
I log into the backend of this blog every day. I'm curious (distressingly and obsessively so) to see if anyone reads this. Along with that comes the side effect of it reminding me the last time I published. I have this inherent fear of publishing with no real content. Just mindless words being posted because I've become a slave to the pageview numbers. So I stopped it. And then I missed it.
Throughout the week I come up with little bits and pieces that are by Saturday evening thrown into a post. Without posting, I haven't had a place to go with that. My mind is a jumbled place right now for a bunch of reasons, and I'm trying to sort all that out.
I'm not going to go on some rant about some invented existential crisis: I'm alive, I'm pressing on because I want to move from where I am. It seems though in the midst of all this that I focus too much on the future and the past but not the present. I think it's a flaw with society; we are forced to look ahead because that is the direction we are heading towards. I've been looking at college stuff, like seriously having to consider colleges.
At the same time, I blame society for my own problems. I have had issues lately with focusing, which is actually quite aggravating for someone who can usually throw 100% energy into something for as long as it takes until something is done. But lately things haven't been getting done, and I've learned to hate myself for it. This (in conjunction with stress) probably isn't healthy, but whatever, 'tis only a flesh wound.
I've been stuck on this idea of time, self-identity, and how people interact lately. I think my English class is penetrating my 'normal' stream of consciousness. We read a piece recently, for example, about how everyone lies and that there are degrees of lying. We were asked to individually come up with a discussion question. Mine (as most of mine end up becoming) was relatively surface-level. I seem not to be able to grasp the crazy-abstract concepts, but instead zero in on something I do understand and extrapolate that into interpretation.
Switching gears, for those of you that have been following me over the past few months or so you know I've been obsessed with Colleges and Universities. My friend Jake Urbanek is at Cal U and hosts a radio show there (4-6 Thursdays on wcal.calu.edu/live.php ) so that's pretty cool. Personally, today I took a trip to Point Park University for their open house. This was really my first official "University Visit". I went to RMU for a business fair, but specifically looking at programs and the sort.
I hope to get back into the groove of things, but I shan't mislead you into thinking that that will happen soon. It won't. But thanks for sticking with me nevertheless.