But the Oregon is Supposed to Australia!

This is a combination of two drafts; I realize the publish date is Halloween, but it has nothing to do with Halloween.

I log into the backend of this blog every day. I'm curious (distressingly and obsessively so) to see if anyone reads this. Along with that comes the side effect of it reminding me the last time I published. I have this inherent fear of publishing with no real content. Just mindless words being posted because I've become a slave to the pageview numbers. So I stopped it. And then I missed it.

Throughout the week I come up with little bits and pieces that are by Saturday evening thrown into a post. Without posting, I haven't had a place to go with that. My mind is a jumbled place right now for a bunch of reasons, and I'm trying to sort all that out.

I'm not going to go on some rant about some invented existential crisis: I'm alive, I'm pressing on because I want to move from where I am. It seems though in the midst of all this that I focus too much on the future and the past but not the present. I think it's a flaw with society; we are forced to look ahead because that is the direction we are heading towards. I've been looking at college stuff, like seriously having to consider colleges.

At the same time, I blame society for my own problems. I have had issues lately with focusing, which is actually quite aggravating for someone who can usually throw 100% energy into something for as long as it takes until something is done. But lately things haven't been getting done, and I've learned to hate myself for it. This (in conjunction with stress) probably isn't healthy, but whatever, 'tis only a flesh wound.

I've been stuck on this idea of time, self-identity, and how people interact lately. I think my English class is penetrating my 'normal' stream of consciousness. We read a piece recently, for example, about how everyone lies and that there are degrees of lying. We were asked to individually come up with a discussion question. Mine (as most of mine end up becoming) was relatively surface-level. I seem not to be able to grasp the crazy-abstract concepts, but instead zero in on something I do understand and extrapolate that into interpretation.

Switching gears, for those of you that have been following me over the past few months or so you know I've been obsessed with Colleges and Universities. My friend Jake Urbanek is at Cal U and hosts a radio show there (4-6 Thursdays on wcal.calu.edu/live.php ) so that's pretty cool. Personally, today I took a trip to Point Park University for their open house. This was really my first official "University Visit". I went to RMU for a business fair, but specifically looking at programs and the sort.

I hope to get back into the groove of things, but I shan't mislead you into thinking that that will happen soon. It won't. But thanks for sticking with me nevertheless.

Title to Post, I'm Lost and Tired

So I've mulled over a few different topics to talk about: The Pirates again, the Duck again because let's be honest; it is AWESOME!, and I've also looked into something borderline profound. I don't know what counts as profound, and when I label these posts, I do so in the vacuum of the back end of the blog here.

Usually I am able to just write - whatever is on my mind, or I'll pick a song, title the post, and then write the post to fit the title. But honestly, I don't feel like that does anyone except for my view count good. I have to ask myself every now and again why I keep going on with whatever it is I am doing. Why announce? It's fun, and I love nothing more than representing my school in a way that puts it in a good light. Why act? For the heck of it. Why sing? Because I enjoy doing it, and because we don't have a choir per se at our church.

I ask myself why I write this blog week after week, and it seems that the reasoning is threefold: 1) to force myself to improve my writing (and I'd say that works, considering I started this in the seventh grade) 2) When I'm able to come up with something, I love writing and 3) I feel like it's my job to make sure this thing gets finished: I need to have something posted at least periodically here until 2015.

I came to the realization recently that I'm a junior. This is my second to last year of high school. Up until now, I moved forward with the safety in my head that there are grades above me, seniors were a distant group that you get sort of close to, and then they disappear.

But then my friends became seniors. It's a strange reality to come to; though you consciously know that life moves forward, I don't think I understood what it meant to move with it. I attended my first college visitation Friday, and I realized that for once this stuff is pertinent. The stuff that was just words about who is coming to visit and to talk about what suddenly becomes relevant.

I'm trying to figure out where I'm going with everything: why it is I am doing what I do, why I choose to surround myself with the people I do. Why on Earth we put up with the stuff that we do. How we associate with one another, and whether or not we are just trying to relive what we once lived.

I don't know. It's late, and I'm lost. As I told a gentleman who appeared at my house from the Church of Latter-Day Saints, I think in a broader sense, we are all lost a bit. We have to be, and eventually we may find ourselves, but we never stop looking, and never stop redefining who we are.

Go Giant Rubber Duck, Go Cougars,

Of Bucs and Ducks

Yeah, so it's Sunday. Usually by Sunday if I haven't posted yet I usually abandon it completely, but today I took (lack of) initiative!

Friday brought a pep rally, a PIRATES WIN, and Homecoming (the game), Saturday brought Homecoming (the dance), and today my back is killing me. How are you? That's cool.

My paternal grandmother is a diehard Pittsburgh Pirates fan, and so is my friend Jeff Stephan (of JSVH fame). Each year, Jeff has told me "this is the year" and, well, it wasn't. And by 'the year' he means the year where we finally overcome the losing streak that had been running since 1992. My parents weren't even married in '92. But this year the Pirates are in the running for winning the division... like, for real. We have postseason baseball in Pittsburgh.

And though obviously to get to this point it took a bunch of hard work and dedication and proof of insurance and everything, I have a theory for the postseason performance: The Giant Duck.

Found on MLB.com Yeah, seriously.

As I have already posted, the giant duck has the power to make people smile (admit it, the above picture is making you smile) and I think it also has magic powers.
From the artist:

"The Rubber Duck knows no frontiers, it doesn't discriminate people and doesn't have a political connotation. The friendly, floating Rubber Duck has healing properties: it can relieve mondial tensions as well as define them. The rubber duck is soft, friendly and suitable for all ages!"

Hear me out, the Post-Gazette has even run something in the Sunday paper with the headline of something to the effect of "The Duck is Magical" or something. If it isn't the Pirates' good luck charm, it at least is worth investigating. Two things are uniting Pittsburghers this October: the Giant Duck and Pirates Baseball. It's something amazing to be a part of.

Only people from around here would understand this one,
all credit goes to YaJagoff.com and my aunt Marie.

Yeah, I realize this is rambly, so I'll stop writing (and probably delete this later) but I wanted an excuse to use those two pictures.