Friday, April 25, 2014

So We Beat on, Boats Against the Current, Borne Back, Ceaselessly, into the Past

I finally got a chance to watch Baz Lurhmann's Gatsby. I'm not going to write a review on it because, let's be honest, that has been and overdone.

April and May are probably the two busiest months of the year. Tomorrow is the Carnegie 5K, and I have an SAT prep class afterward, and then running tech for Mr. Carlynton. I think it is times like these where you just 'do' without thinking much about it. 

What do I mean about that?

Last week, among other things, I scrambled to put together a resume for English class which will eventually be a part of my senior project(!) and I realized just how much I do. I don't mean that in some arrogant look-at-how-wonderful-I-am but rather in the wow-I-should-probably-stop-to-breathe-here way. I rarely make impulse decisions, but I take comfort in repeatedly doing something.

Tomorrow's Mr. Carlynton will be my second event of this caliber and probably my 20 or 30th event with Carlynton Tech. I was talking with a friend of mine and I realized that with the start of my senior year brings the start of the 'last' designation. I am fine psychologically with being in the middle of doing something, but I'm not sure what happens when those things stop. 

If you keep yourself busy enough you don't think about that - honestly, you don't think much about the scale or impact of what you're doing. You just start, do, finish, and move down the to-do list. But what then? What happens after that finish? I'm not sure. And I'm not talking just tech, I'm talking everything habitual. 

I don't know, I was out of ideas and out of time on this one. I'm in the middle of a spiraling of sorts - life. And to take a break for a second may seem appealing, but what happens when I do that? I start thinking about it all... and that leads to some really scare metacognition and listening to strange music. 

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